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PLEASE NOTE: Actual results may vary. Some side effects may occur, including: Increase in sales, nicely bloated bottom line, higher than normal revenues, prolonged smiles by management, jealousy from competition, and dependency on agency.

DIRECTIONS: For fastest relief, call or e-mail immediately. (Operating small communication devices is safe and encouraged.)

WARNING: Please consult your company’s big-wigs prior to use. (It’s a wise career move.) If positive results are experienced over an extended period of time, beware of potential injury due to extensive periods of patting yourself on the back. To maintain desired effects, simply call us for additional creative thinking.